


tattoo your love

by fridaysfun



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Out of Character, eliott and lucas - Freeform, elu - Freeform, goofy silly eliott, high school student eliott, ooc eliott, skam fr, skam fr elu, uni student Lucas, you'll get mad at lucas' friends sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-14 03:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20594171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fridaysfun/pseuds/fridaysfun
Summary: eliott and lucas being in love, hurting, comforting each other and showing the world their love.





	tattoo your love

“Babe?” Eliott asked, his eyes focused on the doodle he was making.

This time, and probably as any other time, he was drawing a little hedgehog with a scarf around his neck. He didn’t know why but he loved the feeling of seeing Lucas wearing big scarfs. It was cold during wintertime, that was true, but Lucas always managed to get sick twice a month, always complained about how cold he was even if he was wearing a ton of hoodies and scarfs. Eliott always laughed seeing him buried under so many pieces of clothing but he still loved how adorable he looked.

“Hm?” Lucas asked, still taking notes and studying his Biochemistry book.

“We should get matching tattoos” Eliott breathed out, almost giggling at the thought.

“What? No, Eliott, you know I hate tattoos” Lucas explained and even though Eliott did know that, still pouted and turned around to meet Lucas sitting cross-legged on the bed.

“But we’d do it together! Babe, we could get our spirit animals tattooed. Or flowers, I know you love flowers,”

Lucas couldn’t help but smile. Eliott was so cute, too cute for his own good. It was a terrible idea because Lucas absolute hated tattoos, he didn’t exactly hate them on others but he still found the thought of getting your body marked with ink dumb. He was kinda scared to do so too. But Eliott was so adorable and thoughtful and he knew how much time he probably was thinking about this before he blurted it out on Lucas.

“I don’t know,” he half smiled but Eliott pouted more, his eyes losing their usual light.

“Okay, we’ll see, alright? Maybe in the future?” he continued because he couldn’t bear seeing him so sad.

Eliott was goofy, probably the goofiest person Lucas had ever met. Always cheerful and loud and silly beyond words. But he was also thoughtful and kind and could get hurt easily. He was like a child in an adult’s body.

“Okay! Babe, you’re the best!” Eliott’s enthusiastic self came back and he turned around to continue his droodle more happily now.

Lucas felt content seeing him happy again. Even if he definitely didn’t want a tattoo.

* * *

“How was your appointment?” Lucas asked as soon as Eliott came in the kitchen, having changed to his fluffy pokemon pyjamas.

“Alright, I guess” he sighed and plopped down on one of the kitchen stairs, playing with something in his hands.

Lucas knew Eliott never really wanted to talk about his appointments with his psychologist but he still found it decent to ask him how it went. If Eliott was tense enough, he wouldn’t open up and talk about anything more, he’d just say _it went alright, it was fine, whatever_ but if he felt better, if his mind felt less heavy, he could talk about anything with Lucas. He would reply to his questions and he’d even tell him some of the stories he shared with his doctor or the suggestions he was given.

Right now though, Lucas was confused and unsure if he should push him more. He glanced at him as he was by the oven, making mac and cheese for tonight’s dinner. He looked frustrated, his mind on the clouds. He had a black journal in his hands, staring at him as he was flipping it over and over again.

“Are you alright?” he asked and Eliott looked up at him, putting one of his big yet fake smiles on his face.

“Yeah, babe. What are you making?” he asked and Lucas knew him well enough to understand he wanted to change the subject to anything but himself.

It was okay though, it was normal and he didn’t want to press Eliott more. If he didn’t want to talk about whatever, then Lucas respected that. It still hurt though, seeing the brightest person he knew this lost.

“Mac and cheese. I didn’t know if you wanted to order in tonight but I dared to go for homemade” he explained and Eliott stood up, the journal still in his hands as he approached Lucas and pecked his lips.

“Mac and cheese made by the only chef Lucas Lallemant. How could I ever say no, babe?” he teased and gave him another kiss.

“I wouln’t ask you for you to say no in the first place” Lucas joked back, gaining a genuine smile from him.

“What are you holding, there?” he asked as he looked down at Eliott’s hands.

Eliott mirrored the movement, looking down and pressing the journal against his palm.

“It’s a notebook my psychologist suggested getting. Saying I should track down my moods and mid-term or long-term goals.”

“That’s a nice idea” Lucas said because it was the truth.

It was a nice idea. It maybe couldn’t help Eliott deal with his mental illness better but it would be great if it would make his stress less by writing down his thoughts.

“Yeah, I don’t know. She said this period has been hard for me and this could help” Eliott confessed, not looking at Lucas directly as he nodded.

He knew how much Eliott was struggling the past few weeks. School was taking everything on him, he couldn’t focus at all and his points in most subjects were getting lower and lower. Ever since Lucas and the boys graduated and got into different Universities he felt helpless. He’d talked with Lucas about it, but not more than _it’s not the same without you there, I’m alone but I can do it_. Everyone could understand that he felt terrible for not being able to graduate especially since he was older than Lucas and the others.

“She’s correct. You should only do it, if it doesn’t add extra stress on you, though” he said and took Eliott’s one hand in his own, leaving the other one hold the black, boring journal.

“And you should decorate this a bit. It’s pretty plain for you” he added smiling and locked his gaze with Eliott’s.

“You’re right babe! I’m gonna draw something? Or add stickers. I still have some left” he replied enthusiastically and Lucas’ heart felt lighter as Eliott’s mood changed for the better.

* * *

It was Thursday evening when Lucas came back from University and didn’t find Eliott sitting on the couch as usual. He heard the sound that was coming from the bedroom that was similar to Eliott’s voice. But it wasn’t his voice.

Lucas took his shoes off, walking quickly and getting inside the bedroom, gasping as soon as his eyes fell on Eliott. He was sitting beside the bed, his shoulders shaking and his eyes red from crying. He had his hands burried in his hair, slightly pulling it. Lucas acted fast, falling on the ground next to him, shushing him and wrapping his arms around him tightly.

“Eliott? _Eliott_, breathe for me” he rubbed his back, knowing that this normally calmed him down, hoping it’d do the same right now, even a little bit.

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly but this only made Eliott sob more, breathe unevely.

Lucas squeezed him and let the silence fall because Eliott wasn’t in the right place to talk. He kept holding him, whispering sweet things close to his ears; _you’re okay, Eliott, you’re enough, you’re doing so well, i know you don’t believe it right now but the way you’re feeling will change, just focus on getting through this minute._

He didn’t know if what was going on would lead or already was a depressing episode. If it was, he must had missed so many signs because he was _just fine_ when they left for university and school. He was cheerful and was talking about Simpsons and held Lucas’ hand until he got the bus for uni, he was humming this children song and kissed Lucas goodbye telling him that they could watch netflix tonight and cuddle and that he loved him. He even called him _babe_ like one hundrend times, something that he never did when his episode is close.

Either way it didn’t matter. Eliott in this state, bawling his eyes out and panting, was breaking Lucas’ heart even if it wasn't because of an episode. He couldn’t bear seeing the man he loved so much hurting like this. He didn’t deserve this, Lucas would be so selfish believing this, but _Eliott of all people_ didn’t deserve this. The bright Eliott, with a smile shinier than the sun, the loving eyes and heart full of kindness. Eliott who loved french fries and liked wearing only colorful clothes, had way too many teddy bears for a 19 year old, loved comparing people to animals, Eliott who wouldn’t hurt anyone on purpose and would apologize for everything even if it wasn’t his fault. Eliott of all people didn’t deserve hurting so much.

Lucas kept holding him for what it felt like ages. He had sat down, his back against the header of the bed while Eliott was crying in his chest, having his arms folded around him. At some point, he had fallen asleep in his arms, the sobs had calmed down and his breathing became more even.

Lucas stayed there, all night, sleeping with him but waking every now and then to hold him tighter, leave kisses on every place his skin was exposed.

At some point, while the sun was rising Eliott woke up. He did his best not to wake Lucas up but by the second he moved his arm away from his body while they were all tangled together, Lucas’ eyes opened.

And he asked. And Eliott told him everything. How bad his physics test went, and how his Biology teacher told him he didn’t gain the average points he needed for him to pass the subject and how he couldn't graduate and had to retake the year. Lucas listened all along, seeing him tear up a few times and reaching out to hug him every time. He told him he had nothing to worry about, told him again and again that he would graduate even if that wasn’t now and no matter what that wouldn’t make him seem like a failure.

He apologized multiple times but Lucas couldn’t get why. He said something about feeling guilty for him having to keep up with a school student when he could be with anyone else that met in uni. But Lucas still couldn’t get it. He didn’t want to be with anyone excet for Eliott and Eliott only. Eliott was the one he loved and wouldn’t plan on stop loving anytime soon. So, he only hugged him again, told him that he loved him and that he wanted to be with him for the rest of his live. That only managed to make Eliott cry more but feel less of a burden. That was enough for today.

* * *

“Eliott?” Lucas whispered as he got inside the office, finding Eliott having his glasses on, studying on the desk.

“Hi, babe” he greeted him but didn’t turn around, his eyes focused on all the textbooks he had in front of him.

“It’s getting late,” he only said and approached him, his hands finding Eliott’s shoulder blades from behind him.

It was almost midnight and he hadn’t left the office for more than five hours. He had a test tomorrow that had him stressing out all week.

“I know, I’m wrapping this thing up,”

“Alright,” Lucas kissed the top of his head and felt him smiling underneath.

“I’m going to run you a bath and I’ll wait for you in bed.”

“Thanks, babe. You’re an angel.”

* * *

They were in bed as the clock hit one am. Eliott had his eyes closed, clearly sleepy, but he still had his arm around Lucas. He had many sleepless nights this week, being used to tossing and turning by now.

“You need to sleep” Lucas said, brushing Eliott’s hair away from his forehead.

“So do you, babe. You’ve uni tomorrow as well.”

“I know, but you haven’t slept properly for a while” he kept his hand close to his face, caressing his cheeks as his eyes closed.

“I will, but I need to write on my journal first” Eliott whispered.

“Is it in the office?” the other boy nodded, his eyes still closed.

“I’ll bring it for you.”

As soon as Lucas walked to the office, he could already hear Eliott snoring. It was peaceful and it felt nice, almost _too_ nice as he had forgotten how good it felt seeing him actually sleep. He was so stressed out lately, sure he was smiley and cheerful, but not as much as usual. It'd been weeks since Lucas had seen him be his actual self. 

He still walked beside the desk, grabbing the tiny journal in his hands. He smiled at the view, running his fingers through he stickers Eliott had added on it. The pattern didn’t make sense, it was full of stickers of animals and planets and Sponge Bob but it was so much _like Eliott_ Lucas’ heart felt full.

He opened it on some random page, his breath immediately was taken away. His eyes fell on Eliott’s neat writing.

_I feel kinda sad but I know it’s not because of my _fucked up_ brain._

_reasons why _i’m_ sad:_

> _can’t graduate_

> _got a 2 on biology_

> _lucas’ friends hate me_

> _my therapist sometimes suffocates me_

Lucas’ heart dropped reading the last two. It’s not like he didn’t know or imagine how Eliott was feeling but it still hurt knowing he was sad because of his friends and therapist.

Going to a psychologist would be hard, both of them knew, and Lucas was just able to imagine how much stress it was adding on Eliott. He was already stuggling, his whole life felt like a puzzle made of pieces full of stress and anxiety and thoughts that only made his mental illness worse, but he hoped, _both of them_ _hoped_ that having chill appointments with a specialist would help him get through. And it probably did, according to Eliott’s words and good mood from time to time, but it still broke Lucas’ heart even if it was one time that he felt suffocated by it.

About his friends, Lucas definitely knew they didn’t hate him. They weren’t up to hanging with him, that was true. The first time they met, it hadn’t gone that well. Eliott wasn’t at the best place of mind but he hadn’t said a word to Lucas because _he was so excited for him to meet his best friends (Eliott's words, not his)_. After that, Yann and Arthur had said something about Eliott being too much and Lucas never pressed them or Eliott to meet again. They still didn’t hate them, they were still happy Lucas was happy and that was enough.

Or at least that was what Lucas thought. He didn’t even know Eliott was feeling this way, he didn’t know that he’d sensed that they didn’t like him or were weirded out. But now reading this out loud, again and again, _Lucas’ friends hate me_, it made his heart sink.

He didn’t know what he was supposed to do to make this better; _should he try again? Should he invite them over and have a guys night? Should he tell the boys and tell them to make up for this? Should he tell Eliott what he read on his journal and apologize on their behalf? Damn, he felt bad for reading his feelings now. He shouldn’t have read this, this was too personal, this was for Eliott and Eliott only, he should have respected his privacy._

He closed the journal immediately and put it back on the desk. Seconds later, he was feeling bad already. He should tell him what he did and apologize for going through his things. He wanted Eliott to trust him, not close off to himself again.

He wiped some tears off his face and got up, getting inside their bedroom again. Eliott was sleeping peacefully, his snores cute and loud and a sign that he was finally getting the rest he deserved.

For tonight, he would just cuddle him to sleep. He’d talk to him about it tomorrow.

* * *

Lucas adored Eliott. Sometimes his heart would swell with so much love he didn’t know what to do or say. Sometimes he stared at Eliott’s wide, genuine smile and he’d get so lost in it, wondering how a man, so kind and loving and supporting like Eliott could be his.

It was the second day he was sick, his face blotchy and red and his nose running like crazy. He was under probably eight blankets as Eliott insisted he should sleep and then would wrap all the blankets in the house around him like a burrito. Lucas had laughed it off, but Eliott being himselft, actually did it.

So he slept for what it felt like hours and woke up now, which seemed to be late evening. He could hear Eliott’s foot steps in the other room and as soon as he coughed, clearing his sore throat, he saw him coming in, holding a bag and smiling at him widely.

“Babe, how are you feeling?”

“Sick” Lucas replied cynically, moving a bit and making space for Eliott to sit on the bed.

“Shocking,” he snorted.

“I brought you some medicine. Babe, I swear, I was so bad at this. I asked for painkillers and the lady asked for what kind of pain? And then I said that my boyfriend’s sick and he actually suggested getting cold and flu pills? Babe, did you know this kind of pills exist? I had no idea and I was so shook but I ended up getting both painkillers and these flu pills,” he said and started taking the medicine out of the bag and put them on the nightstand.

Lucas laughed because Eliott had bought three whole boxes of painkillers and four of the cold and flu pills. He was trying so hard, it was adorable.

“I also got you medicine for sore throat and some candy to feel better, babe” he continued taking out some other boxes.

“I got this one because it reminded me of your eyes,” he started showing him the clear box, full of blue gummy bears.

“But I then remembered you don’t like the blue moon flavour so I also got you strawberry ones” he finished with another one of red and pink candy.

Lucas was smiling fondly throughout the entire time. Eliott was _so_ cute, stating everythng he bought for him to feel better. All the medicine that would last for a whole year or more and all those candies he would let Eliott eat them all by himself. He was so cute his heart couldn’t take it. All the love and care he had for him, Lucas couldn’t feel more appreciated and loved and grateful.

“I love you,” he breathed out because he was feeling too much, his heart racing and he didn’t know what else to say or do other than that. The three words described everything he was feeling.

“I love you too, babe,” he smiled and pecked his runny nose.

“Now, it’s medicine time.”

* * *

Lucas felt kisses all over his face as he slightly started opening his eyes. He yawned and heard a chuckle coming from Eliott, who was smiling widely at him.

“Good morning, babe.”

“Morning,” he yawned again.

“It’s still early, we don’t have to get up yet” Eliott whispered and Lucas nodded.

He still felt weird after last night, after going through his journal. The words were right there, written with permanent ink in his brain, not letting him think of anything else other than Eliott being sad and the fact that he invaded his privacy.

“Babe?” Eliott asked, booping his nose.

“Hm?”

“Can I show you something?” he asked enthusiastically and Lucas nodded, trying to give him a big smile right back.

“Sure.”

“Get up, get up!” and they both did, after Lucas groaned teasingly.

Eliott took Lucas’ hand and lead him in front of their big mirror. He lifted his shirt up and took a look in the mirror, on his back.

“I got this the other day,” he started and turned to Lucas, showing him the thing that was inked on the top of his back.

Lucas took a step closer, his heart immediately racing. It was a tattoo, fresh and neat, which showed a little hedgehog with a beanie and a scarf around his neck. It was small, but not too small to notice. Lucas wanted to cry remembering their talk about tattoos. Eliott seemed so excited to get one with Lucas and he _did_ tell him he didn’t want matching tattoos or tattoos in general but that didn’t mean he expected him to go get one on his own, and especially a hedgehog.

“Eliott, this is,” he started but lost his words, brought his fingers and traced them on the new tattoo.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, babe! Do you like it?” Eliott smiled his big smile and turned to Lucas, who was still and shocked but felt so loved it was unreal.

“I love it” he looked up.

“Can I talk to you about something?” and Eliott frowned, his smile fading, but still nodded.

They went back on sitting on the bed, Eliott sitting besides Lucas as he sat up, his back on the board.

“Are you mad at me?” he asked Lucas, as the pure, most precious soul that he was. 

He instantly felt bad, shook his head no in a heartbeat. This wasn’t it, this definitely wasn’t it, _how could he even be mad at Eliott_? At Eliott who spent all day yesterday studying, who got a hedgehog tattoo, who always smiled and laughed and made sure Lucas was smiling at the end of the day no matter what. Eliott, who took care of him when he fell sick, who struggled with his psychologist but never said a thing, who loved art and animals and sunrises and sunsets and kids. How could he be mad at him when he could be mad at his own self?

“No, of course not. Why’d you think that?”

“I don’t know. You seem a bit off since you woke up” he explained and it made sense.

He was a bit off, but not because of anyone but himself. Because his heart felt full but empty at the same time thinking about Eliott’s words inside his journal. It was like whatever he was feeling was fake, being with such a bright person who always made his mood better, when in fact he was struggling silently and was sad.

“I’m just a bit out of it. But it’s not because of you, it’s because of me” he said truthfully, looking deeply in Eliott’s eyes and playing with his fingers nervously.

“Because of you? Babe, what are you talking about?” his frown was only getting deeper and Lucas wanted to kiss it off his face.

“I did something stupid. And I feel bad, I feel like the worst person right now” he confessed because Eliott deserved honesty if all.

“That’s not true. I don’t know what’s happened but I reassure you you’re the best person I know” he dared to say but Lucas shook his head as he wasn’t worthy of what he was told.

“No, Eliott” he started but his voice was trembling, a sign that he was close to tears, something that made Eliott move closer and take his hands in his own.

“I went through your journal. I didn’t mean to, you asked me to bring it to you and you fell asleep before I did so and I know that’s not an excuse but I went through it. Not all of it, I just read one page and I’m so sorry,_ so sorry_ for everything. For invading your privacy, for reading something that was only made for you to read but also for you feeling sad. I feel terrible, I didn’t even know-” he stopped, gasping for breath and looking for something in Eliott’s expression, anger or sadness or dissapointment.

But Eliott just gave his hands a squeeze.

“_Breathe_, Lucas” he only said and Lucas nodded, his tears starting to fall from his eyes.

“I know this is not going to change anything but my friends don’t hate you. They’re hard to deal with and so is everyone and you don’t have to be liked by them. I like you,_ I love you_, and I don’t care if you guys get along. And I’m sorry everything gets too much sometimes and you don’t feel like talking to me. It’s my fault and I know I haven’t made it clear enough that you can open up to me, or that you don’t trust me or whatever, and I’m sorry. I don’t want you to be sad, I _hate_ it, Eliott, because you of all people don’t deserve this. I wish I could make you see yourself the way I see you” he went on and on and Eliott listened to him carefully, not letting his hands go.

“And how do you see me?” he only asked, his eyes sad and big and lost, focused on Lucas’ teary ones.

He swallowed, not expecting this kind of reply. He expected him to get dissapointed, sad and mad at Lucas for going through his stuff, because he despised when someone did that. But he wasn’t any of that, he was still, almost stiff, but still held Lucas’ hands like his life depended on it.

“You’re this bright person who lights up everything around? Being next to you means I can smile and laugh and be myself and feel loved and appreciated and also be a better version of myself. You’re the kindest person I’ve ever met, always present and helpful and understanding and I look up to you so much, y’know? You fight every single day and you’re so strong. Have you ever thought about how actually hard it is to get through an episode? Because I do and I aspire you so much for always getting back to me, healthy and cheerful” he ranted because he had so much to say, so much to feel for Eliott and he _deserved_ to know.

“You know I spent all my life thinking that happy meant not feeling sad. And then I met you? And I finally got a taste of what happiness is. It sounds so dramatic but I swear, Eliott, I’ve never been this happy in my whole life. Being with you is everything I could ever ask for and I’m selfish for saying I can’t let you go, because I don’t want to get back to how I used to be” he finished, took an uneven breath and blinked the tears away.

Eliott smiled then, not one of his huge smiles, but a tiny, yet genuine one. It was so comforting and exciting and soft and it was like Lucas could breathe again, feel again. His hands were still trembling but it was okay because they were hidden inside Eliott’s and Eliott wasn’t mad at him and he was still smiling at him.

“You don’t have to. Go back to how you used to be, I mean,” his voice was steady and came out as a whisper.

“I’m not going anywhere” he said, leaning in and giving a kiss on the knuckles of his hand.

Lucas let out a sob he was holding back then, gasping for air as he threw his arms around Eliott and burried his face in the crook of his neck, crying there while Eliott hugged him back.

“You know you didn’t have to apologize for any of the stuff you just said, right? It’s not your fault” he whispered against his ear and Lucas nodded on his chest, just not to cry more.

“I still shouldn’t have gone through your journal. I’ll never do it again” he mumbled and Eliott ran his fingers through his hair.

“If you asked me, I’d let you read it. I trust you, babe” he said and slightly chuckled because Lucas was a mess but Eliott still loved him so much and appreciated everything he just said, everything he apologized for, even if he didn’t need to.

“I’m still sorry,” replied Lucas and as soon as he felt he wouldn’t break down crying again, he pulled away from his embrance, interwining his fingers with Eliott’s.

“Do you want to make it up for me?” Eliott asked, his smile grew bigger, a sign that he was half joking but also that went back to his cheerful self.

“How?” Lucas asked and he could swear right on this moment that he would say yes to everything, would do anything for him.

“Getting that raccoon tattoo, babe! So we could match” he reccommended enthusiastically and Lucas chuckled and laughed, but fresh tears started to fill his eyes.

“Alright, yes” he nodded.

“Yes?”

“Yes. But it’d be a small one. On my wrist? Or sides. Okay?” he answered and Eliott made an inhuman cheering sound, throwing his arms around his neck and pulling him in another tighter, bone-breaking hug.

“You’re the best boyfriend in the world!”

And Lucas smiled, but would disagree. This title was only made for Eliott, and Lucas couldn’t believe his luck to be able to call him his.


End file.
